What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
