i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
