I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
