i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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