Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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