You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
