K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
