Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
