Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
