Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
