I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
