you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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