There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
