You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
