so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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