happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
