My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
