he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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