The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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