Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
