sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
