This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
