i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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