If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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