I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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