i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
