Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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