this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
