im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
