You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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