you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
