Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
