he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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