Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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