Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
