I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
