I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
