How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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