how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
