We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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