How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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