I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
