i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
