it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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