Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
