I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
