i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he laminated a picture of his dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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