I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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