If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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