college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
