well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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