Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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